17th September, 2019
It’ll never be easy to love someone and not to let her know.
To be in love is the most beautiful feeling ever. You are experiencing the joy of riding in rain, your vision will be catching mountains and then snows and then tree covered in white and green. Most beautiful feeling ever, It’s like in the midnight, moon is singing to you the most beautiful melody , stars winking and waving trees reminding of her hair that is dancing on her face. Whenever you will find her glance ,you’ll crave for more. Her eyes that motioning to you and to far away of you always remind of pearls in some silver plates , reflecting shines that lighten more or less everyone around. When she speaks it’s like somewhere birds writing her melody and mozart itself making hymn and that reminds me of the most beautiful ballad in her tone. And her smile that heals many and kill me , way she curved her lips and form smile is reminding me of the waters that jump out of skies and met the ocean that they are craving for. Lover is the most articulated one in the human form.
With the first monsoon rain , She danced and made rain loved her each curves. Touching and glancing giving her pleasure rain droplets find its way out of her silvery body. And in the spring like a butterflies she speaks in flower. Sometime plucking beautiful roses and watering it becames her hobby. And sometime she just talk to them in her Garden. She wear her smile and that makes her more beautiful than anything that she ever wore. And that’s what make me fall in Love with her again and again.
I remember, First time how we met at the classroom gate. Our encounter are just formal she didn’t even remembered for long. But her smile and her smell that still remind me of those better days we had passed. That smile we shared over cup of tea and counting chemical bonds that memories we had within physics lecture and that her waving eyes describing that she bored of the class, Took me to the space where she loved me and i loved her too , show me the way out of the labyrinth of tiring sessions. But the way remain same might be but the person has changed. It was me i always knew that she loved but it’s someone else that she actually dying for. I was a better memories and bitter to myself. Anyway , Complications are the taste that lovers has to go through but what if things are of the moment only? What if it’s one-sided story?
I know its hard to see your lover with someone else and making love with other. I know it kills you. Sometime someone happiness may cost someones life. If she love to rid away of you and make out love at somewhere else it’s fine let her do while it may kills you. It’s not important that she must be doing wrong to you but it’s because you did wrong somewhere too. This world is oval , it has no where corner to hide , what you do will come to you someday. Indeed the way she left , the way she fade at your story and made your eyes wet, i wish that she never go through these things but still. I know how delicate she is , if ever her heart break she will never be same, I know how delicate she is.
Love will alway find its way. Still i dream her glimpse
Sometimes i look her in ice cream shops, Hoping she will be tasting vanilla somewhere. But imagination melts in violent heat. Eveytime i passed that ice cream shop where we shared much of our time where she joked me about her hotness and my coolness and how she used to took one step ahead of me and sometimes tucking on my sleeves still remind me of her smiles and eyes and how madly i was sinking in love. Sometime her memories made me fall in love with her more than that of her presence. Anyway, no more presence matters. Once we were comfort to each other now disturbing each other comfortness. I disturb her by reminding our words and worlds she disturbs me as a known stranger. I crave to talk her like we used to do. I wish to never share her with anyone. Anyway, to love someone you didn’t mean to be loved back. Anyway, It kills everyday but it makes her happy then it’s fine. I love you and always.
I know it hurts to be stay away of someone you loved and had best days of your life together but yet it happens and you have to get rid of all these nostalgia. When it all started shortly after graduating from school where we didn’t talk much. Frustated, I used to shiver , Hands and legs shaking , heart beat fastening and nerves that tightening my muscles, Whenever i thought of all days we had spent together i cried. I cried countless nights, I prayed Countless beads. I screamed , I laughed and finally I submitted my self and fall asleep. You know , At that time we used to talk once in a while, someday or somenight for few minutes , someday on phone calls but very frequent on chats but slowly her priority shifted i felt alineated and all these things happened. I roared , screamed and submitted. I became loner and still i am. I have no interest in making friends anymore ; I am not that fun loving guy but yeah, I am smiling more as it relieve me. Someday i crossed her way , we smiled, shake hand but eyes had that drop of tear punching on my brain not to be polite , not to meet but still How would i let her feel bad because of me. Why would i be punishing someone of mere feelings that keeps shifting. Anyway, I am strong infront of her. And will always be. My love for her will never be fade and will never let her down anywhere. Staying away of her is not meant that her soul is separated mine. I still know how does she feel everytime. I still know what makes her afraid and what brings her smile. I still have guts feeling of her sadness and boring days. Yeah, i used to entertain once to get a better and i still did play a clown counterpart but she doesn’t care anymore , i guess. Anyway, I love her and will not let her in trouble at any point , I promised in those shivering spines and teary nights.