I’m Upset.

kuchh khaab toote hai,

Kuch apne roothe hai,

Zindagi haseen hai,

Fr bhy ye hassi itni namkeen hai,

Kuch dhundle se yaad hai,

Kuch apno ke hee baat hai,

Khushiyan naseeb hai,

Kuch cheezein hai jo dil ke kareeb hai.


14th September 2019,

Life is not a wish granting factory. Sometime your wish come true but most of the time won’t. I have never seen consecutive setbacks in life. Since childhood i believe that at the end of everything that you are working for will set you to a better place. Indeed it did. Nothing go unworthy in life. Your experience teaches you a lessons. Sometime you fail but never let it drown you , never let it fade your courage and never bring any kind of guilt stating your failure. In Life nothing will be permanent your failure shall pass and someone sound successes too fade. Then a day begin with new taste around new people at the new corner and you will be excelling. ‘Wait, You failed , you are not eligible’ is never be the terms and conditions intead it will be a great opportunities to showcase your talent. Failure is not the limit but sometimes success can be.

At this point of time , I am broken. I don’t know what i am going through and how long it would be going. I don’t know whom i am upset of whether life or destiny or of my capabilities. Life is not a beautiful destination , i believe. As i experienced unmatchable peace while i am failing while sometime my success or normal days gives me dreading fear. I am crying and sobbing and screaming but its all in my mind. I feel like caged i need hammer to break down the ceiling and to fly and fly away. Staying away thousand miles away of your family will gives you freedom to live and lead but will restrict things in many ways sometime choke your sound and stroke your beat too. Its very peaceful to live in a noisless room with beautiful scenic but sometime these silence attacks me and i feel like someone is chasing and i cried. All these things not because i never had lived alone but i never had that hollowness inside me before. I know life will teach many lessons in it own way but what i am experiencing is far far greater than chilling my spine and stroking beats and sobing and crying. Yeah , I am broken. I don’t know whom would i all be telling this and who will read out but one thing for sure I wouldn’t continue living in these arena anymore. I need someone to talk and yet i don’t want any known one to know me. I am strange and i wish stranger hold my hand take me to there side and say scream , roar i will be hearing. I need one who broke me.

Last year(2018) was the happiest starting and the struggling mid and the saddest end. You know, the most beautiful phase of life is when you are working for something all by heart. Giving all your time and energy considering that you would be at better place because of the time and enerrgy you would be putting inside it. Hoping you would have better life ahead but hope is a hollow inside. It’s a dangerous it can drive men insane and that’s what i became. Insane. And the most pathetic thing in life is to not get what you deserve. I believe that you left something that’s why you didn’t went to that point but still seeing less deserving taking your position will kill you. After all those sincere work and energy i haven’t reached a place where i want to be and that’s what killing me at each steps of my life. Thats what feel me caged of life and that thats what brings me tear each moment. I am frustrated and not fun loving , I didn’t enjoy anymore. And Insanity brings me tears and broke me apart.

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